The Incel Question and the Black Pill

Imagine a boy brought into this world under subpar conditions.  His parents lack the time, interest, or knowledge to shape him into a well rounded individual.  We will call this hypothetical person Brian.  Brian is instead raised by a television set or some tablet in isolation.  He’s bombarded by media that imparts false expectations of the world.  He doesn’t get a chance to socialize with others he’s never taken to the playground.  He might get stuck in a chaotic daycare environment.  Here, the other kids viciously vie for attention and his image of people is tainted early on.  He’s fed a poor diet that stunts his brain development and leaves him overweight.  By the time Brian enters Kindergarten, he’s physically and mentally unable to keep up with others.  This sets him up for bullying for the rest of his K-12 career.

Eventually, Brian enters high school and must deal with whole new levels of complexity.  He’s still chubby, has bad acne, and wears old clothing.  Brian also suffers from social anxiety due to years of mistreatment from other students.  He can’t really hold a conversation or even look others in the eye.  To make matters worse, he’s starting to notice the opposite sex.  His male peers begin to involve themselves in relationships but in his mind, he knows he’s invisible.  The delusional shows he’s grown up with leave him believing that the awkward guy somehow gets the girl.  When reality doesn’t meet expectations, he becomes even more bitter and cynical.  Those thoughts are merely passing ones though as he drowns his sorrows in video games.  As his senior year rolls around, his future prospects are grim.  His less than stellar academic performance means that college isn’t an option.  His parent’s might kick him out at 18 or make him start pulling his weight.  In both cases, his options are some crappy retail or warehouse job.

Brian is now a lonely young adult.  His appearance has not improved much since high school and neither his social skills.  His anger can no longer be quelled by gaming or any of his favorite activities.  In this lonely, enraged state, he stumbles upon an online community of people like him.  For the fist time ever, he learns what the term INCEL means.  This interaction demonstrates what is perhaps the worst aspect of the human condition.  If you’re hold negative views, there are many runaway feedback mechanisms that will intensify them.  Internet groups are especially effective at this since people don’t hold back behind a veil of anonymity.  Brian eventually reaches the point of no return and takes the black pill.

Everyone reading this has probably heard of the term “red pilled”.  In a nutshell, it’s embracing knowledge, freedom, and the brutality of life.  Some people that abandon religion might say they took it for example.  The black pill is pushing this to the extreme.  It is the notion that life is so bad, it’s not worth trying to fight it.  Declaring oneself as an INCEL (involuntary celibate) is just a subset of the ideology.  A person reaching this phase is like a star collapsing into black hole.  They can’t fight the inward pressure of life and thus are crushed into singularities of despair that consume all hope.  The way they see the world becomes as warped as the space time around the event horizon.

I don’t condone any of the hated spewed by the INCEL community.  I know they hold vile views of women and despise men who are successful.  I need not elaborate as you can browse any of their subreddits and see what I’m talking about.  I do want everyone to consider what gets a person to that level though. I want to share this with the world because I was once there.  I was that awkward high school student who lacked any looks or people skills.  I had no real friends and was bullied mercilessly.  Maybe I didn’t have all the setbacks that Brian did but I was certainly going down that dark path.  I’d sit alone during lunch hour looking at the other students walk by, wishing the worst to befall upon them.  Sometimes I would just blurt my cynicism out in class, a move that landed me in counseling.  I could have continued this into early adulthood but out of nowhere, a random act of compassion saved me.  During my senior year, students who had cars were allowed to go off campus for lunch.  One day, the homecoming queen and one of her friends asked me if I wanted to ride along.  She took notice of my solitude and wanted to make me feel better.  I’m also sure being seen with someone like me would have hurt her social status but she didn’t care.

I found out this person who I had all kinds of negative assumptions about was one of the most compassionate.  It was enough to shut down that malicious piece of software running in my brain.  From there on I began to socialize with others and change myself, albeit that was a LONG process.  The problem is, this occurred well before the ubiquity of social media, smart phones, etc.  There weren’t all these distractions that stunt emotional development.  Had this been today, that girl would have been too buried in her phone to even notice.  The social dynamics of the early 2000s and before no longer exist.  People seem to talk about compassion on these outlets yet don’t notice those in need of it IRL.  Because of this, many more youth fall in between the cracks.  The worst possible outcome is of course an act like the man who went on a killing spree with a van in Toronto, or the many shooters you’ve seen in the US this year.  Now if you’re a troubled young man, you’re automatically associated with them and reviled universally.  Again, see my point about the human condition having negative feedback loops.

The answer to the INCEL or black pill question is not mockery, hate, or revilement.  The way to end this madness is compassion.  You must set a shining example of humanity at it’s best.  It sure as hell is going to work better than what we’re doing now.

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